There is something about her that stays with me still. Something I cannot shake.
I suppose, as always, that it’s just me. Unable to let go of things. Focusing, too long.
She’s told me that before, back when I thought we’d stay the way we were forever. I can’t remember if she thought it was annoying. She likely did. She never would tell me, but I could tell, towards the end. She’d grown to hate me.
I never learned why. She’d decided she didn’t care about me any longer. That included not caring enough to tell me what I did wrong, I supposed.
And here I go.
And I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to forget about her. Maybe I’m hoping she’ll come back to apologize. I don’t know what I’d even do if she did.
She’s treated me like shit, frankly. She’s done that with others. I thought it was just when she’d drunk a lot but then afterwards she’d not regret anything she’d said. She’d double down. On things that I knew she would never really say, if she were herself. The her I knew before… whatever happened to her.
I don’t know if I loved her. I liked her, for sure. Not a fancy, no, rather just a need to be close to her. Not necessarily physically. Not at all, truth be told. I don’t need that. I hate it. I wanted to know her. We could talk all day and still I was looking forward to the next. Sometimes we’d discuss weird stuff and I’d go on interminable rants or tirades on subjects I doubt she’d ever heard of and then she’d listen.
I think she cared, then.
She certainly doesn’t. She didn’t last I talked to her. Maybe she didn’t care then. I could never tell with her.
So if she doesn’t care about me, why do I still care about her? I don’t know how I do. If I hope she’ll be crushed, or see the error of her ways, or come crawling back to me. I don’t expect she will, and I don’t really care if she does at all. I don’t have closure on anything, though. I wish I kinda did. We had good stuff going on. Projects and long-term plans that well I guess aren’t doing much any longer.
That’s probably why.
Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m not there now. I’m here.
***
As I unload the last of the boxes from the large truck I used to bring them here I meet the first new face I’ll get to know here.
His name’s Tee. He’ll be my new neighbor. He’s been living here for the past 5 years. He’s happily divorced, and happier retired. No children or grandchildren. Not dead, just didn’t have any. Used to own a farm further up north. He’s pretty good at crosswords. He offered to help me unpack my stuff, but I refused. He was okay with that and said that if I need his help he’ll be right next door.
I met the guy, but I didn’t know him much more after he left me to unpack. I was on autopilot, registering a lot, but saying very little. I don’t think it bothered him all too much, though. And I think he could tell I didn’t feel like talking.
It’s okay. He was fine with it, I think.
I don’t know.
I don’t feel like doing much today, anyway.
I finish unpacking and by the time it’s over it’s too late to meet anybody else so I just go to sleep and that’s that.
***
Today’s the first time I fully stop to acknowledge that I’m not where I used to be.
I went walking this morning, just after sunrise. Usually I don’t tend to be an early bird, but I hadn’t slept so well and the fields were calm, so I went outside for a walk and then one thing led to another and now here I am, in the center of town.
The fields were empty. It was early, and I don’t think I was on anyone’s property, so I didn’t see anyone. I sang a bit. Nobody was around to hear, and when I’m singing to myself I forget the rest. It’s the one familiar thing I still have going on, even though I’d stop myself all the time because I thought I’d heard someone come along. I’m not ready for people to hear me is all.
And anyway, after the fields, I saw what I guessed to be the center of town. The center of Yellowfield – that’s here, that’s where I decided to live my life – was different from the outside fields by far.
By which I mean, there were people. And houses, a bit. A general store, a cinema or theater or both, a restaurant that I’d really just call a diner, a library. A few other things that were of no real interest to me so I didn’t stop to consider them.
But the people were what caught my eye.
I moved south from far up north (far enough, anyway – this place didn’t even look like they knew what winter was) and I guess that was so far that I didn’t recognize the way everyone just was.
It was friendly.
It felt like everyone knew one another, and I was just not there. Nobody looked closely but I saw glances. The community must’ve been tight-knit.
I decided to go to the diner despite the fact that it was still very early because I was getting hungry and I thought that I could also maybe meet some people through little effort on my own. It’s a diner. I guess people might just walk up to the new guy in town but I was honestly half hoping to see Tee there so that he could introduce me to some new people.
And I don’t even know at this point. I haven’t taken anything in really is what I’ve come to realize, because I still don’t know anyone and what my life is and maybe I’m just not ready to be out and about. So as soon as I sat down and before the nice lady who was serving another client got to take my order I got up to leave.
***
Tee was outside talking with some guy I’d never seen and I know I hadn’t seen him before because I’d have remembered him. He had some jeans that looked like they’d seen better days and also an unbuttoned shirt over a white tee but that wasn’t at all what I’d’ve noticed, not even his very stereotypical cowboy hat. No, I’d have remembered the way he looked at me when I walked past. It wasn’t just a cursory kind glance although to him it might’ve been that. He was curious. I hadn’t seen someone be curious about me before. It was a nice change of pace.
I would have to invest in a cowboy hat, probably. I’d seen a lot of people wear them and I always thought it looked good enough on me so I would probably ask Tee to take me to the general store in the afternoon so that I’m not alone and maybe I can talk to someone.
Now I don’t need to talk to people this soon cause I guess they’ll come to me first if they got interest in me. I wanna get to eventually know everyone I have to know in this town but I don’t have to do it now, is all. I’m fine just finishing with getting settled in and taking it slow.
Last time I rushed things look where it got me. I’m not really doing anything for myself anymore, I’m writing still and I still get some money coming in from all that but it’s running low so I should probably be careful with how I spend it. And I’m not talking to anyone, either. I sought out to understand someone and I ended up wishing I’d never even known that person except not really.
I miss her. Even now, hell, despite the fact I’m right here walking home from town and standing there in front of two strangers I still feel like I was right there with her.
And now I’m just going to go inside because really what can you do about your own problems if they only exist because you make them.
***
I went out walking again when the sun went down because I don’t really know what else to do, except this time I stayed in the fields because I didn’t want to go all the way down to town again and I felt like doing something or other.
I didn’t go into the woods, either, because I felt like looking at the stars, and that’s what’s beautiful about here in the middle of absolutely nowhere because I could see them brighter than I can ever remember. Yellowfield isn’t high up or anything, there’s just almost no artificial lights anywhere when night falls except when people have lanterns by their windows which they do sometimes, but it doesn’t ruin the sky at all.
And I can sing a bit more freely, because I know that despite the beautiful sky nobody really cares about being out so late.
***
The next morning I did something I never really did and went up to the diner again with the explicit idea to talk to someone because I thought I should. Or at least that was the idea. Because right before I opened the door to leave there was a knock and I guess I thought it was Tee because I didn’t think to ready myself to the fact that it might not be. And why would it’ve been him, too, because he wouldn’t have a reason to be at the front door.
However the sheriff did.
He introduced himself as the Sheriff. I didn’t really have to deduce. But then, if I had to it would probably have been my first guess. He had the look that they tend to have. I wasn’t much aware that they used the term “sheriff” anymore but for such a small town where I doubt there was much policing to be done then sheriff must be a better term than officer.
He was pretty young, not as young as me but still not as old as I’d expect from a town sheriff. He looked like he was taking his job rather seriously. Not from the way he acted towards me but rather he just looked the type where with the way he stood I could tell he was strictly no bullshit.
He said he’d waited a few days to say hi because he didn’t know if I were going to stay for long (and I guess nobody told him I’d settled in because I didn’t talk to anyone and my guess is Tee didn’t tell him either) but he’d heard someone was new in town and he stayed in that house here and he’d come by and say hello and get introduced properly.
I invited him inside because I didn’t really know what else to do, but that seemed like a good enough thing to suggest because he nodded and then walked right in.
He asked me a few questions once he’d sat and while I was preparing some coffee for him or just for me if he didn’t want any. It went something like “How long’ve you been here for” (a few days) and “How long’re you plannin’ on stayin’” (As far as I can bear it) and “Are you stayin’ on your own” and on that last question I guess my answer surprised him a bit or it was the way I said it.
“I’m stayin’ on my own and it’s suitin’ me fine” was what I answered him and I couldn’t help but notice I’d stolen his way of talking a bit but if he cared at all he didn’t let me know.
“Well, that’s unusual.”
That was what he said and I didn’t know at all what he meant so I asked him to elaborate.
“Well,” he said again “it’s rare to see someone yer age settlin’ down long-term but ah trust you know what yer doin’” and then he paused a bit but I could tell he wasn’t done talking. “Yer not lookin’ for anyone in yer life, then. Well, that’s that. What’re you gonna be doin’ in this town?”
“Stayin’. Writin’ a little, I got myself a decent enough thing goin’ and it’s enough fer me to pay the bills. I always wanted to stay in a small town like this, where I’m not bothered by all those people.”
“Where’re you from, then?”
“Up north.”
“How far?”
“Canada.”
“That’s pretty far. Why come here?”
“I figured it was as good a place as any”
“Why not stay north?”
“It’s cold.”
“That it is, I’ve heard.”
“And this town’s more my style.”
“Your style.”
“Yessir.”
“What’s that mean for you?”
“I just want a quiet midwestern town to write in.”
“That seems reductive.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I’m sure you didn’t, but that’s how it came across. Yellowfield’s a small town but it’s got people in it, son. Good people.”
“I’ve met Tee.”
“That’s it?”
“I don’t meet people well.”
“I gathered.”
He didn’t say it in a mean tone, though, like he knew I wasn’t entirely there in this moment. He figured there was another reason behind me moving, likely, but he knew better than to prod. I did appreciate that much, though.
I drank my coffee in silence, and he didn’t ask more questions, so when I was done I just stood up and said I needed to be going and that was that for our discussion. But he did say his wife would come by soon and I found that weird until I learned it was simply because she’d surely have a few questions to ask the man who wants to be alone forever. His words, not mine.
But I guess no matter how he put it there was some truth to it.
***
His wife Ellen did end up coming over but as it turns out she wasn’t here to interrogate me but rather to invite me to a card night at “the clubhouse” in town and at first I found that funny because it felt kinda childish, and then I realized it was probably when it was built or named in the first place and as people got older they just kept using it.
That’s when I knew, these people here in Yellowfield knew each other for a while probably because if they were still using a clubhouse built when they were little to play cards now when most were well into adulthood by now it’s probably that nobody ever left or came in. Until me.
I appreciated the effort into introducing me to the town, that much I told her. I said maybe not this one (there was a game tonight but I didn’t feel like going) but the one the week after, I have writing to do and things to figure out but I’m mighty thankful for the kind gesture and then I asked her if she wanted coffee and she said no and said she’d better leave.
And so that was that.
***
I wasn’t lying to Ellen when I said I had writing to do and when I got done with it the sun’d set and the stars were beautiful bright in the sky so I decided to walk outside to enjoy them. And the breeze was cool and felt nice so I lingered maybe a bit longer than I usually would’ve, singing songs sometimes twice over because I was running out, but I didn’t really mind because the weather was nice.
And so were the stars.
Somehow I thought of her although I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s just cause I can’t bring myself to be happy without thinking I’d have loved to share it with her.
Some weeks ago I would’ve. I would’ve called her or sent her a picture of the sky or something. She’d have said she didn’t care but somehow until recently I never thought she meant it.
Some months ago she’d have said she wished she could see them with me. She’d have shared those things she used to share where she was actively making her life better and I couldn’t be prouder of her for it. I never wanted to hate her but she’s made it damned hard.
Some months even further ago we’d have been seeing them together.
I always thought we’d move in together when I moved. Because that was the plan at first, when we first started talking. I wasn’t writing yet, but I wanted to, and I was planning on going maybe somewhere else and she’d also been confused and wanted us to have each other to rely on.
Yellowfield wasn’t on any of our maps, then.
Still. I like this town a lot.
If only cause it’s got beautiful skies.
***
I did end up going to the diner the next day.
I went early, because I didn’t really sleep much at all and so when I arrived there was only a lady which I assumed was a waitress because she had one of those uniforms you see in those movies and although she was eating some pancakes that I thought looked really good I was sure enough that she worked here.
There was another waitress that was visibly working at the counter cleaning some stuff behind it that I couldn’t see. I sat myself down and then waited a bit and after a little bit the waitress saw me from over the counter and went over to take my order and I ordered some pancakes and a blueberry muffin.
I always loved blueberry muffins. Me and my father used to love them a lot and I remember that some periods of the year they weren’t as good because the cold made the berries unable to grow locally so they had to be imported.
The ones here tasted incredible though, or at least the one I got did. I ate in silence and then grabbed a newspaper from the counter and absentmindedly flipped through it while waiting for the place to fill up.
Eventually some people did come in, although there weren’t many. I didn’t recognize anyone there.
Eventually I was done with the news paper and as I headed to the counter to pay the waitress who was sat down at the table stopped me and asked me if I was new in town.
I told her yeah, sort of, and that I’d seen the sheriff already and his wife and then she asked me if I’d been to the card night and I said no, I didn’t feel like it and then she told me she was very surprised that Ellen let me get away with skipping card night especially since I don’t know anyone and according to her Ellen’s really big on introducing people as early as she can.
She said she remembered being new to the town, and she told me that she knows everyone’s close to everyone but she could help me get introduced to others better.
And now I don’t know why everyone thought I needed all their help getting introduced to the town, although it’s maybe since I’ve been here a little while already in Yellowfield where all word travels fast yet nobody’s seen me but I don’t know what to think of it.
She introduced herself as Shania and said she’d been in this town for twenty years now, and in her experience the best way for a newcomer to not get overwhelmed by the crowd of people is just to play it safe. She said just to behave like people behave here, go to card night and show up in town every once in a while, say hello on the street and if someone shows up at your door asking for something you help them because they don’t ask if they know you can’t.
I asked her then when the next card night was and she told me it was in three days she thinks but she’d have to ask Ellen because she doesn’t remember those things.
I thanked her for that and then we just talked a little, about the people in the town and what I ought to know about things here, and some of the things were more useful than others. About Tee and the Sheriff and Ellen and some other folk in town like the general store’s shopkeeper who gets drunk on the job because he can’t be bothered anymore.
About that time Tee thought lost his keys at card night and then everyone looked around for them for a good fifteen minutes and then as it turns out he’d checked his pockets wrong.
She told me that the Sheriff has a name but he hates when people use it so most of the newer folk don’t know it but she does because she knew him before he was the Sheriff, but Ellen doesn’t because she knows he doesn’t like it so she never asked and he’s fine with her not knowing, and I found that a bit funny how that means she never calls him by name but Shania said Ellen just calls him “honey” all the time and that works just fine.
She told me the guy with the cowboy hat Tee was talking to yesterday was Gavin who works with the Sheriff sometimes although he does kinda work for everyone she hears because he can do a lot of things, and he was likely over to discuss repairs on Tee’s sink who broke down. And she says not to worry if he looked at me funny because he sees everyone as things what need fixing, in her words.
She told me about how Ellen probably did come over wanting to ask me questions about why I’m really here in town but no offense she probably saw how tired I looked and thought that whatever my reasons she’d better not prod because I was in no mood to talk about it. Shania told me I’d better watch myself around her next time though because she won’t hold back then.
And then she told me a few anecdotes about people I’d never met and then after that she asked about me.
I figured I owed her the nicety of answering a few questions because she’d been nothing if not kind so far, and she didn’t prod all too deep at first so I was happy to tell her what she wanted to know.
“Y’know, I never did ask about what you’re doin’ for a livin’” she said and I realized that was right.
“I write.”
“Books?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes people want me to write other things but yes when I can I have my own book I’m writin’.”
“That pay well?”
“Well enough.”
“And why come here?”
“It’s calm. Far from many things.”
“In the middle of nowhere. Noticed you had nobody livin’ with you.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Well, I don’t know. What do I think.”
“I don’t mind not bein’ with anyone.”
“That wasn’t it but I can forgive the mistake. I was thinkin’ what she did to tire you so much.”
“How’d you know that?”
“I’m not blind. Or stupid.”
“I still don’t follow.”
“You don’t need to.”
“I don’t think it was an isolated event. I don’t know what to think of her anymore.”
“She not treat you right?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think she did.”
“That’s a no, then.”
I didn’t answer that because I didn’t need to.
“Did you love her?”
She’d been rather to the point when she’d asked earlier questions, like she wasn’t interrogating what she’d done to me but rather me on my own but now that she got to the touchy part she could tell I think because she mellowed down.
“I don’t love anyone.”
“I’m twice your age. I’ve seen enough to know that’s bullshit.”
“I don’t need to love anyone.”
“Closer to the truth, but still bullshit.”
“You expect me to say I don’t wanna love anyone.”
“Maybe.”
“Because I don’t. And she was no exception. I don’t think I’ve felt love.”
“Awful sad life you live. I’m sorry.”
“What’re you sayin’ sorry for?”
“Didn’t mean to go there.”
“It’s okay. I try not to care about her anymore.”
“You said you didn’t love her.”
“Right. But I did care about her.”
“A friend?”
“I guess so.”
“Some friend, hurtin’ you like that. If it were your wife I’d get it. That happens in couples. But friends don’t do that to one another.”
“Then I guess she wasn’t a friend.”
“What was she then?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know.
In the end it was getting too personal for me to stay much longer so I made up an excuse about how I was still tired from the moving in and I don’t think she really believed it but she didn’t say anything about it. I guess she knew she might’ve gone a bit too far.
And so I left and went home but before I did she told me where I could find her if she wasn’t working here although she usually does the night shift and sometimes early mornings like today. She said she trusted me enough and told me where she lived which I didn’t quite understand why she did that but she said that if anything was urgent enough that I’d have to knock at her door we’d be long past needing a reason.
She said I wasn’t the type of man to drop by unannounced and she didn’t hesitate at all when she said that, which I wondered about. It was true, I’d never do that, but I couldn’t say how she was so sure.
I didn’t need anything from the town and there was nothing for me there at that time and so I went home humming through the fields again.
I’d done that a few times, though never in broad daylight. It was a bit scary but I did end up not meeting anyone so it was okay.
I didn’t know what to do when I got home anyway. I didn’t have anyone to go on to and so with nothing better to live on for I just lived for myself. And that was hard to do when myself didn’t know better than me about what I should be doing now. I felt empty. Like I was in purgatory. And I don’t know what’s awaiting me but if it ain’t heaven then I sure wish I can brave hell.
***
The reason I moved to Yellowfield was because she wasn’t there and because it was the nearest small town I could find to write in. Because the peace and quiet were things I really wanted in my life and I wanted a fresh start.
But now fresh starts mean nothing to me because what even can I fucking do at this point now that I know I don’t have anything here. I can’t even start now, I gotta start the start process if you will, because I don’t even think I could currently bear to start over right now. I could go walk some more and sing but I’ve done that so much recently that I feel like it’s too much and no song out there can help.
I don’t think it’s something wrong with me as much as something wrong with what I’ve done.
Maybe it’s both. Would be just my damned luck.
***
Her name was Julia.
We’d met a few years before we even actually became friends at some bus stop back when I lived in Canada, on a winter evening where it was very very cold out and the bus was also very, very late. We were both headed in the same direction although she would drop off a few stops earlier to go see some guy she didn’t want to go see. She said she wanted to break up with him because she said he was an asshole and she didn’t want to talk about it further back then and honestly I can’t say I blamed her.
I said I was headed over to see a theater play and that I didn’t really feel like going alone but nobody was interested in coming with me so I was kinda just heading there because I’d bought myself a ticket.
We talked for about 20 minutes before the damned bus showed up and we sat together because we didn’t finish our conversation and when her stop came she hesitated and asked if I’d mind her tagging along to the theater.
I didn’t.
We went and saw some parodied comedy re-imagining of Macbeth that ended up being very entertaining, and not at all as tragic as I’d thought it would be, and we both laughed a bit and I wasn’t thinking of it as a date or anything but she might or might not have because she said she’d had a good time and said she’d break up with her asshole boyfriend because that evening had made her see there were ‘good people in this world after all’ and honestly I didn’t do anything altruistic much but I’m glad she enjoyed.
She was a few years older than me, one or two depending on when we were in the year, and so I didn’t think I knew better than her on the matter, anyway.
We parted ways after that and I was convinced I would never see her again. I felt a little sad about it, but I wasn’t any devastated by it, really.
And I was wrong.
Because three years later I saw her again.
It was at the theater where I’d half taken her, half agreed to bring her along to, and usually I wasn’t a theater person much but that was another play I was looking forward to seeing because one of my friends had written the thing and I wanted to be supportive.
From what she’d later tell me she’d since become a theater fanatic, so there was that.
I can’t even remember how the play went. We disrespectfully talked through almost all of it.
After the play I’d learned essentially everything there was to know about her (I thought) and told her everything about me, and we went out for a drink (she got strong alcohol, and I got some iced tea because I didn’t want her to have to drive in her state) and in what probably was a stroke of drunkenness she asked if I wanted to come back to her place.
I didn’t want to do anything with her, especially not of that sort, especially not when she was absolutely drunk, but I also liked her company so I tagged along. She lived in this apartment by a nearby river and while it was pretty small she kept it lively and tidy though she lived alone.
She said she was almost never there, because she was either working or at the theater or out drinking with some friends of her and she was definitely still inebriated because then and there she reached in for a kiss.
It might have been the alcohol on her breath, or something else that I’d later come to realize, but I didn’t kiss back. Something about her state felt almost cruel to take advantage of. I apologized and said something about not having brushed my teeth so she wouldn’t feel too bad and then I said I’d call her later but I really needed to leave.
I don’t know if she was okay with it. Really I should have stayed if only to make sure she’d be okay. Slept on the couch if she’d let me. She was really drunk, too. Could’ve hurt herself or something but I didn’t really know back then and nowadays it’s a bit fuzzy just how badly she was drunk, it could’ve been nothing but I’d never really seen people get too drunk and I’d never been myself, still today I’m not knowledgeable on how dangerous it is to be really drunk alone.
And I should’ve been there just in case I think.
I called her the morning after.
And it’s not really because I felt bad for her cause I didn’t really but instead I just think it was the right thing to do since I’d screwed up so much on that the day just before.
And she was really not doing too good. Badly hungover, I think, she was saying about how she wasn’t even able to look outside cause the sun was too bright and she was crying so I don’t know if that had to do with it too and she said she had a terrible headache and she didn’t want to talk on the phone too long cause that hurt her head, too.
And so I apologized in a whisper though I don’t know if it made the phone call better for her and I said I’d be right over.
When I got to her house again I was really worried because she’d told me that she drank often and if she got in that state every time she did it couldn’t be good for her but she said she was fine usually this time it was just a bit worse.
A bit worse didn’t reassure me but I said I’d stay and so I did. I made her chicken noodle soup from stuff she had in her kitchen and I think it helped her cause really it helped me as well. Reminded me of the soup my mother used to make for me.
I asked her about her drinking, why she did it, why she did it so much if it clearly hurt her and she said it didn’t and this time she just went a bit over and she joked saying that it was just a drink too much, and that it happens sometimes.
She said she goes to drink out alone more often than not and that there’s nobody who really watches how much she drinks and frankly that scared me a bit cause I know the type of people that go to bars sometimes and I don’t think it’s good for her to be doing that cause someone could take advantage of it. She said no the bartenders are trained to watch for that and I said fine but I didn’t really believe it when I said it. I was just glad she was okay and to make sure she was fine later I asked her well next time you go drinking just let me know and I’ll come with you to make sure you’re safe.
She laughed at that a bit and said what you think I’m gonna get roofied and I said yeah kinda. I said anyone with bad intentions could see a drunk girl that’s all alone in a crowded bar and spike her drink. She said that was kind of me but she knew well enough to watch her drink.
I was somewhat irritated that she was so careless so I told her if she knew enough to not endanger herself recklessly like that well did she also not think that maybe she got so drunk at times she forgot because yesterday she sure as hell wasn’t checking her drink cause I know she was checking me out a bit. I think because she was drunk.
She said yeah but that I wouldn’t do that to her.
I don’t know why people just assume all these things about me. But she was right on that.
I said she didn’t know though. I said I could have been setting her up and I could have roofied her whenever. I said anyone else could’ve. I said in the state she was in yesterday if I’d left her alone there nobody could’ve really kept an eye on her and I was worried for her.
She said nothing and just kept on eating and then I asked because I needed to know the answer, even though I didn’t wanna.
I asked her how she got home every night she drank if she went there alone. She said she got an Uber or a taxi back most of the time.
Most of the time, I said, so that means not all the time. And you get there how, I asked, you had your own car didn’t you.
And she looked kind of sad when she told me but she said on the days she didn’t feel like she was too drunk she’d drive home. Said it was a short drive. Said she never got stopped for it and nothing ever happened.
She was worried I’d narc on her but I really didn’t want to, I just told her look if ever you’re too drunk to drive back reasonably and don’t have money or the will to call up a taxi just call me instead. I said I’d rather drive her to her place than have her be drunk on the roads and maybe arrested or dead in a ditch somewhere. Said if she wanted to go drink alone and felt like it just let me know so she stays safe.
But she said she was fine, and thank you for the soup, and she said she didn’t wanna talk about it but if it worried me so much she’d let me know next time she was drunk. And that was that.
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